Feelings Economy

"You won't improve until you stop externalizing the source of the problem" My high school teacher (Riki, 2022)

How smooth is life?

I was bullied in most of my childhood but that's not why I decided to write this post. In time, the tables have turned.

I want to reflect on my own characteristics over the years and tell you that no matter what, life must go on. Your decision to move on or to freeze in place is all up to you. More importantly, no one cares about which one you choose. But consequently, your choice matters most, to you.

Life is like Lay's chips. It goes up and then it goes down. It wasn't meant to be smooth, because without pain there is no gain.

And if Lay's chips are flat, they're just Pringles.

That ups and downs are the interesting part of life that you can learn from it and can storytell to your kids. Without it, your life is boring to others.

Why others? How important is other people to us human?

As a social creature, we are meant to socialize and to give benefit to the society. As prophet Muhammad PBUH said:

"The best of people are those who are most beneficial to people".

Most of chapters in the Noble Quran are not even rules, it's just stories being repeated over and over again. Because stories compresses the time it takes to learn something.

We don't have to smoke a cigarettes to know its dangerous effects. We don't have to experience seizures from heroin overdose to learn that people can die from it. We got told stories that are delivered with rightful intention.

The AI psychosis confirmation and uniqueness bias

I'm pretty dumb at things, not gonna lie.

Sometimes I do make statements that are just completely false. Like that one silver trading bullshit I just published (and retracted) on Twitter (lmao)

But in all of my mistakes, I always gets this embarrassment engraved into my brain. Because there is a saying in Muslim community about how a Muslim must not fall into the same mistakes again and again even though God is Most Merciful.

However, in the current AI-driven "thinking" trend where people consult to AI (LLMs) instead of their own thinking people often strengthen their opinions without confirmations (confirmation bias). I'm not trying to solve it, I just observe my vast surroundings and gets yucked by the phenomenon.

Imagine that your friends learns the world via ChatGPT, would they have their own principles? Would they believe all American propaganda that the US government shoves into their brain? CIA might not even need Project MK Ultra anymore.

Imagine that your friends started talking like GPT-6 Sol or Fable 5.1 just because they often read a lot of copywriting texts written by it.

(OOT) I reworked my website's copywriting because it's just not me enough.

Speaking of uniqueness, let's talk about the HER film.

In HER, people are offered a small vision-capable AI that can talk, observe, and remembers based off of interactions with their owners. The main character, Theodore, bought that machine and starts to fall in love with HER. Talking all day and night to ease out his broken heart of the reality: a divorce with his ex-wife. Long story short, there was a system disruption that broke ALL instances of HER and makes it cross other user's session. When Theodore gets into the realisation that his "girlfriend" is actually a "shared girlfriend" he gives up on the idea. And the film ends, with Dimensions by Arcade Fire playing in the background (nice music btw).

Humans are being standardized as we talk.

To shield ourselves from our own mistakes by blames

I got called out as an Idealist just because I hold onto my principles for once.

There ain't NO WAY.

I cheesed most ridiculous mandatory university activities every time I can't face it head on. Because they're ridiculous.

But I will NEVER, EVER, blame others for my own mistakes.

Reason number one being: They don't care. They don't care if it's our mistake or their mistake. If you're living inside a healthy society, they won't even talk about anyone's mistakes. A healthy society has little to no drama, they solve problems quickly and objectively.

Reason number two: Being irresponsible makes us weak. This is about our capability, not our image or recognition on other's eyes. If I were to be irresponsible and not own my own mistakes, I would never improve. Because there will be no evaluation, and as a problem solver/growth hacker, to have actual evaluation datapoints is very important to our growth.

Now for the last reason: It gives higher chances for a person to NGMI. I really have to be honest here. No one would befriend someone who shields themselves from their own mistakes. Vulnerability is what makes a leader honored, because they're sincere and honest with their shortcomings. Being able to be criticized is a powerful tool to solve Reason #2. Lastly, our job will never be done if all we do is complains and shields behind "realism."

Are we sure our managers are all idealists? or are we being lazy?

I'm both a manager and a hard worker. I can solve a lot of things without coordination. But that's not how I want to live my life. I want to be able to make great things by collaboration. It's how humanity has come so far if we think about it.

Individualism is a lower-better metric for a society to thrive. Being social makes us able to accept or acknowledge different perspectives.

I lead an organization, most of our timeline is set with medium-term activities. However, a lot of these activities are being held by "what should be yesterday is held tomorrow, or never."

When I lead a pack of undergraduate students in Computer Engineering ITS in 2024, I am very grateful for resigning.

I'm so sorry, but I have to be honest with y'all. It's very easy to become a top 0.1% person in Indonesia if these are the people we are competing against. My colleagues are mostly very dependant on labelling me as idealist just because I pursue them to do something on time. They want huge stuff without ever giving effort properly. I don't have pity for them, but still am very sad on the reality.

When I lead UKM Cyber Security ITS. Well, I must say my society is not up to my standard. But I tolerate it. I knew I could learn something from this. But unfortunately, sometimes my patience runs out. My tolerance is being abused. And people started using my kindness as a tool.

The last time something bad happens multiple times, there are always something worth examining.

Sure enough, now I know that culture defines most of human performance. If your surroundings are lazy, you'll become one. What prophet Muhammad PBUH said more than millennium years ago, was... true.

"A man is upon the religion of his best friend, so let one of you look at whom he befriends."

There must be a solution to this, but that's not for now.

Conclusively, it has come to a time where I have been labelled as idealist (twice) here in this very organization. I thought we were all thinking by logic and empathy. It turns out we all are thinking by feelings. By what fits ourselves, not the

There are no confirmation effort, it's all just one-sided assumption-based arguments powered by AI psychosis. With no solution to propose to benefit both parties.

Lessons learned

What should we do? Is this all we've become?

What can you learn from all of my mistakes and experiences?

If you're a leader, always try to come into a common solution. A solution that's understandable by both parties, a solution that's actionable. Stop trying to put hopes into human beings. Always have clear boundaries with other people. And when the time comes, we'll face these problems again and again, don't give up. Write down your thoughts and make your experiences a lesson worth telling.

Always try to solve the problem, ignore the subject and focus on the activity. Always try to ask for a solution even if your people never give one. Always try to understand your own people, a leader without its people are nothing.

You'll be a scapegoat, but that's the price you have to pay for being on top of it all.

Approach people naturally, never be frameworky. Because people know whether or not you're sincere.

If you're a hard worker, always try to come up with a solution. Only do things that your job description said, unless you want unexpected reward from God. Stop trying to be bare minimum, but you must have clear boundary with your manager. Never get into his personal life problems unless he asks you and pays you to solve it just because he knows you from office. Your job MUST be clear.

When the time comes, where managers give unreasonable directions without consulting you. It's time to go.

For both leaders and hard workers, if your colleagues behaves in a way that's not up to your standard. Maybe it's an indicator that you've improved well beyond them or have outgrown them mentally and technically. It's time to let them go and find a new atmosphere for growth.